When everything seems to fall apart…
We don’t know what will happen but God does and He is trustworthy. He can be trusted and His timing can be trusted.
A week ago, I was returning to South Bend, Indiana to have knee surgery. The morning of my flight I received a message from Dad that Mom was once again in the ICU. I also had no idea where I might stay after arrival. God provided.
- Home with another single woman, a dear friend with a similar heart headed to an UPG from one of the churches who supports me; jacuzzi, IKEA chair, hammock spot in the basement, backyard with a swing and a garden
- Place to stay after surgery with a bathroom right next to the bedroom and no stairs!
- Renewal Retreat at Alongside . https://alongsidecares.net (Learning what a GIFT from GOD our emotions are) Be aware of your feelings. Get curious about them. They are gifts to reveal to you where your values line up (or don’t) with Christ’s- the man of sorrows who had such deep emotions they came out in sweaty blood.
- Alongside also validated my need for other humans in my life. When God had a PERFECT relationship with Adam, He looked at Adam and said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God was NOT talking about marriage, but about RELATIONSHIP. We need each other. I can choose to surround myself with healthy enough people who when I share what I’m feeling, they get curious with me instead of shaming me for having emotions. They might even be so gracious to help me explore how my FOOPOO could be coloring the situation. (Solid waste from your family of origin) We’ve ALL got foopoo, where we were wounded inadvertently or on purpose in our home growing up and it’s now our responsibility as we mature to take honest looks at how our childhood is currently affecting our reactions.
- My counselor, Carolyn Macomber is AWESOME and very practiced at looking at foopoo. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/carolyn-macomber-niles-mi/199303
- Emotionally healthy leader podcast- Pete Szazzero (Read the book at Alongside. Amazing! So thankful to know what good emotional health looks like. Sadly I was never taught this in the church. And for a girl with HUGE emotions like me that’s a recipe for disaster.) . He’s even got a free discussion guide to go along. https://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/EHL_StudyDiscussion_Online-3.pdf
- What we will be has not appeared. I’m in process and I can be as patient with myself as my Father is. The negative self talk is NOT Godly. God never uses Shame as a way to change us.
EDUCATIONAL PROVISIONS/ LEARNINGS
- Our bodies are super connected to our emotions. Regular exercise in whatever form gives you automatic happy emotions. Eating nutritious food also gives your brain what it needs to function and work at top capacity.
- Learning who I am: I AM the creation of our Almighty God. The Father’s fingerprints are all over me- I have been specially formed and created on purpose for a purpose that ONLY I can do. And I am a human BEING, not a human DOING. Who I AM is more important than what I DO. I am not what I do, what I have or what others think of me.
- Learning about Boundaries: I am responsible for my thoughts and feelings and actions. What I choose to think and feel and do is not the fault of others. I am not responsible for what others choose to think, feel and do. What they choose to think, feel and do is their choice and not my fault.There’s only one me. I have a responsibility to steward my heart. My gifts, passions, loves, thoughts, feelings, energy, abilities- all the things that make me unique. I must take care to be able to use ALL for His glory. Not what all the other people want me to do to serve. I must listen to the Father and His work for me. I have the freedom to rest and abide in Him; moving when He says to move, Walking by faith like those in Hebrews 11.
- Learning what to do with needs: Having needs is NOT the same as being needy. It’s healthy to ask for what I need and it’s healthy to accept others limitations in what they can give. Also, what brings me real comfort and renewal vs. numbing.
- Learning my ideal me: Brene Brown p. 90 “Dare to Lead’ Strong back- grounded confidence and boundaries. Soft front. Staying vulnerable and curious. Wild ❤️. Living out the paradoxes in our lives and not the either/or BS. BeIng both fierce and kind.
SOCIAL PROVISIONS: TIME WITH FRIENDS
- Roomates’ wedding
- College friend’s twin girls
- A wonderful roommate with a similar heart
ACTIVITY PROVISIONS: THINGS TO DO
- Perspectives Course: I was able to complete the training in Raleigh, NC and am now ready to be the coordinator/MC for the class beginning here in South Bend, IN August 29 at Gospel City church. https://mygospelcity.org/classes/perspectives/
- I’ve become a HopeWriter https://www.hopewriters.com/; using my spare time to practice writing which can someday give hope to many. Brene Brown p 93.says hope is having a Goal, Pathway and Agency. I know where I want to go. I I know I can get there because I am persistent and will keep trying in the face of setbacks and disappointment. I know I can do this (because HE has called and equipped me)
- Recovering from Acl surgery; The date of my surgery is now July 29. I’ve got my paints ready to go as I’ll be creating art to help me heal.
One theme that I keep coming back to is what Billy Graham answered when asked near the end of his life if he would do anything differently if could go back to the very beginning. He answered that he would study more and spend more time telling Jesus how much he loved him.
AGAIN, I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOUR PRAYERS, FINANCIAL AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. I have seen God answer again and again and again, especially as He has given me strength that can ONLY have come from HIM>
“Beloved, it is a faithful thing you do in all your efforts for these brothers, strangers as they are, who testified to your love before the church. You will do well to send them on their journey in a manner worthy of God. For they have gone out for the sake of the name, accepting nothing from the Gentiles. Therefore we ought to support people like these, that we may be fellow workers for the truth.”
3 John 1:5-8 ESV